The second time I met you we watched the movie Fireproof. We sat in your dorm and watched the corny movie with Kirk Cameron, about a marriage that is saved only by the grace of our Lord Jesus. You laughed at all the corny lines, and never once did you complain about watching such a brutally-acted film, with such a beautiful message. I wanted to marry you in that moment. I wanted to fall in love with you, and have a marriage that is fireproof, only by the grace of our Lord.
Here we are today, 17-days into our own marriage. The day we watched Fireproof is nothing compared to the last 2 years that we have spent together. We have shared our lives, and walked through some beautiful and scary moments.
On Saturday, May 7, 2011, we were married. I woke up next to Morgan. There is nobody else I would have rather spent the first moments of our wedding day with. Morgan always calms my nerves, and I was so happy to have her there with me. I had a really good sleep, and I was so excited to get the day started. I could hardly believe the day we have been fighting so hard for had finally arrived. Our wedding day.
My Mom, the bridesmaids, and myself all went to the hair salon to get our hair and make-up done. The salon gave me a mimosa. That was why I drank mimosa’s everyday during our honeymoon, I don’t think I told you that. I was so nervous as I got ready, I wanted to look perfect for you. I decided to wear my hair done, because I knew you would like that best.
When we were ready, we went back home and I got dressed. I still felt like I was dreaming. I had tried my wedding dress on so many times in the last 10 months. But, this was the only time that it counted. My Mom helped me get dressed, and suddenly it hit me and I began to cry. You know more than anyone how much I love my mom, and how difficult it has been for me to leave her. I’m so glad she was there with me as I got ready.
I feel like we were really short on time, and so we quickly took some pictures, and then our limo arrived. Everybody was really excited for the limo ride, myself included. The bridesmaids were having fun all chatting together, but I was just quietly sitting and watching everybody. I know that this doesn’t surprise you. I was just taking everything in, trying to hold on to this day as much as I could.
Finally, we arrived! I wasn’t expecting people to be walking around, but they were! It was already 11:00am (the time I was supposed t be walking down the aisle). But, people were walking past the limo. I’m glad we were in a tinted vehicle! I looked up at the terrace and I saw Karl looking over at the limo. “Karl, get back to where you’re supposed to be!” I wanted to shout out to him. I wish I could have told him to relax, and take a drink of water. Maybe sit down for a minute.
Finally, everybody sat down. The red carpet was rolled out, and we all exited the limo. By this time I was beginning to feel nauseous. I was so nervous for the ceremony. I thought that I was going to screw my words up. Nothing could have prepared me for what was about to happen.
Before I knew it, the girls were starting to walk down the aisle. Allie went first, she was the most nervous, but I think she did the best. I’m so proud of our sister. She is such a beautiful girl, and growing up to be a beautiful woman. I’m honoured that we get to watch her grow up together.
The rest of our bridesmaids walked down the aisle. Ashley was last. I remember in the rehearsal, Aaron told me to take my time. There was supposed to be a build up. After Ashley walked down, my Mom and I started walking up the steps. But, as I started walking up the first stair I heard a crash. My heart was in my throat. I thought a vase fell onto the floor, but I knew there were no vases up there. Then, I pictured one of the bridesmaids falling. Immediately I felt sick, whomever it was would be so embarrassed! I looked over at my mother, and she was crying, “not today, my mom or my dad?” A sob was caught in my throat. The wedding is over, I thought.
Finally, the wedding coordinator came over to us. “The best man fainted and hit his head on the cement,” she told us. Immediately I was relieved. I wasn’t surprised that our best man, Karl, had fainted. You had told me that he was nervous. Shortly after, men began running down the stairs frantically. I saw my Uncle Joe, concern on his face. I didn’t understand, Karl only fainted. I was more concerned with myself, and the fact that my entrance was now ruined. My brother started coming down the stairs as well. I immediately felt better seeing my brother, but he whizzed past me. He didn’t even give me a second glance. Why was this happening? I was so angry! Nobody cared about the fact that this was my wedding day. I was thinking about you, and wondering if you would come down the stairs too. How many people were going to see me?
Ashley finally came back to see me. She told me that you were worried about me. We went behind the stairs and hid from the guests. My mother put her arm around me and told me that everything would be okay. She gently reminded me that Karl was very hurt, and that this could be very serious. Once she said those words to me, I immediately realized how selfish I was being. How could I be thinking about myself when someone’s life could be in danger? I didn’t realize the severity of the situation, and I also didn’t realize how consumed I was by our wedding day. God truly used that moment to open my eyes and my heart to my own sinful and ugly desires. I wanted a perfect wedding day, but what about my efforts towards a loving marriage? I’m so thankful that God revealed the ugliness in my heart prior to me walking down the aisle. I was able to quietly repent, while still unmarried. It was a beautiful thing.
After that, people began coming up to me and asking if I was alright. Finally, I could say that I was. Our Photographer Julie prayed with me. I love her. I felt so much better once she prayed, and soon after it was time to start again. The girls didn’t walk down the aisle again. It was only me. As I walked down the aisle I felt like I was dreaming. I saw you, and wanted to run to you. According to my mother, I basically did run to you. She kept whispering to me to slow down.
It was so sweet when I finally was standing in front of you. We mouthed to each other “I love you”. It was sweet. I think we both needed it in that moment. Only minutes after we weren’t sure if this was truly going to be our wedding day.
The rest of the wedding was magical, and beautiful. I don’t need to tell you, since you were by my side the rest of the day. You were so handsome, and for a moment, I saw a glimpse of myself 2-years ago, anticipating the day that you would become my husband. Thank you for this adventure.